Dear Diary
by maddy.georgia
Summary: new chapter up again. some stuff might not fit in with the show cause i did it from memory 2 days after the airing of 'horses for courses' season 11, episode 442
1. Chapter 1

**A:N/ **

**hi all,**

**i was watching the previews of next weeks episode on yahoo7 when i thought of writing this story. i know it's short and that but i just thought that i would write it to see what you think.**

**i know it says that it's complete, but ifyou guys inspire me enough, i might make it into a story.**

**xx reviews are definitelly welcome :P xx**

**anyhow, lets get onto the story after this ever so long authors note. :P**

Dear diary,

There I was, just helping a patient when I ask Steve to take a look at her. She had burns all over her right shoulder from and accident at breakfast including a kettle and boiling water. Steve becomes very friendly with her, not like he was in a relationship with her or anything, but as though they were good friends. He shut the curtain in front of me and asked me to go and get the morphine.

Later in the day I am walking past the hospital cafeteria when I see Steve sitting there talking to her. He seems to be consoling her and giving her the doctor to patient, think positive talk.

I don't know what happened, but I suddenly imagined myself sitting where she was, and having Steve consoling me, telling me everything would be okay. Nothing is really wrong, well, except for the fact that jack is living with me and that I have no idea how I felt towards either of them. Jack is a great friend and has been there for me through a lot, but my feelings towards him are more, well, as though he was my younger brother.

Steve on the other hand, I don't know. The way he has treated me in the past, should make me just want to bash the crap out of him and tell him to go to hell, but funnily enough I don't feel that way. I know how hard he has tried to stay off the booze and I am grateful to him for it.

I hate this! Life is too confusing. Oh well I really have no idea what to do. Should I try to make amends with Steve? Or should I just ignore all of this? I have given him plenty of chances in the past and all of these he has screwed up with either alcohol or another girl, but now, well it feels different. I know how hard he is trying to get his life back on track.

I know you are just a book with blank pages, but I feel that you are the only thing that I can talk to now days.

Yourself,

Gabrielle Jaeger.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear diary,

Sorry it's been awhile but I've been so busy but I have to lets someone know about this.

Oh my gosh, you will never believe what I over heard today when walking into Resus! Dan and Jack were talking about Dan's up coming bucks night when mike asked Steve what he thought.

Just then I walked in and heard Steve saying, "The only bucks nights I've ever been excited about was my own" Dan was surprised, and said he didn't know he was married when Steve replied "no, I didn't even get around to proposing, I stuffed things up before that."

Well I was shocked, to say the least. I told them theater was ready for them, and in the process made my presence known to Steve. He looked like he had seen a ghost, well I didn't know whether to smile, or frown, or look surprised or angry, so I settled for an expressionless face.

What should I do? What should I say? Should I forgive him for the errors in the past and make amends? Should I pretend I never heard anything?

I don't know, I want to forgive him and my heart is all for it but my head is telling me to stop before I get hurt again. Who should I follow? My heart or my head?

I've got to go and do my rounds now as I am actually sitting in the tearoom of the ED. I'll write more when I have a chance and have come up with a decision.

--gsgsgsgsgsgs--

Hi it's me again.

I've decided I'm going to be friends with Steve and give him a second chance at friendship. I yearn for more but it is to soon to forgive him. The pain and heartache would be too much and I never want to go through that all over again.

I know this is short but I have to finish my paper work and stupid admin crap before tomorrow so unfortunately that doesn't leave me much time to pour my heart out to you, my paper-friend.

More soon – I promise


	3. Chapter 3

Dear diary

Dear diary

You would not believe what happened today.

Well this guy was brought in after being run over by a tractor. He was a hobby farmer and used a fertilizer which contained phosphate (although we didn't know that at the time) and Steve was fixing him up and all of a sudden collapsed. I ran straight over to him and my heart stopped cause I didn't know what was wrong and I was thinking the worst.

I never thought that it would worry me as much as it did. Yeah of course I'm going to feel terrible if anything happened to any of my colleagues but I didn't think that it would affect me as much as it did, seeing him unconscious on the ground.

Frank got him into a bed and he opened his eyes. I don't think I've ever been as relieved to see someone awake as I was at that moment.

_I think I love him._

Oh stop that Gabi.

Anyway, my first thought was that he was drinking again, all the symptoms were right, and I couldn't trust him.

He was pressuring me to let him get back to work so I let him stand up and try to walk, but he just collapsed again. After that he agreed to stay in the bed. A few minutes later Mike also collapsed and he was treating the same patient.

Turns out the phosphate in the fertilizer were poisoning them, Steve more so than Mike. I was relieved when frank told me that because it ment that Steve hadn't been drinking again.

Later in the day Steve was pretty much 100 so I told him he could go home and take a shower. He sat up, but that fell back down onto the bed again. Then he said, "you know what Gabi, I'm not really 100. A sponge bath would be nice". My instincts kicked in before my brain did so I stupidly replied "yeah, sure" the look on his face was as though he had won a million dollars.

What was I thinking, I had to cover up really quickly so I told him I'd go and get Dan to give him a sponge bath. I can't believe I was stupid enough to speak before thinking. Maybe next time I won't be so lucky to be able to cover it so well. Anyway I'll think about that when it comes.

Confusing day, but I realized a lot of things.

Yourself,

Gabi


End file.
